Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
