Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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