they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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