I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
