Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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