He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
how drunk are you?
Several
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
