Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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