apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
