I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
