Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
