I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
