I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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