If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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