Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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