I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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