No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
