you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
