So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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