so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
