I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just had sex on a roof
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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