He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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