I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish you could order shots online.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
