i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
