it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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