all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
