what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
