"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
