I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
