last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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