guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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