Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
