I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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