Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
