Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
