loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize