I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
