WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
