I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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