his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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