Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
