Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
