i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
