ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
