Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
