When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
