What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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