Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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