I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
