I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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