I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize