I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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