Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
