Already got asked if we're dating
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
