pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
3pm strippers are depressing
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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