omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I smell stomach acid.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
