if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize