would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
