So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
