i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize