Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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