Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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