Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
