My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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