a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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