If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
