is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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