I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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