roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize